You don’t have to be grateful that it isn’t worse.
read that.
read it again, and again, and again.
somebody, somewhere, always has it worse than you. there is one person on this planet that has it the worst of all, and that person is NOT the only person allowed to be unhappy with their lot.
if things are bad for you, they are bad for you. period.
This goes for trauma as well. A lot of times survivors get trapped in a cycle of minimizing/diminishing their trauma because “other people have it worse” - but there is no hierarchy of trauma. There is no ranking system for which traumas are “better” or “worse.” Your trauma is valid. Period.
IMPORTANT TRUTHS.
Have any of you ever experienced a conversation where you open up to someone about something really difficult and personal and they try to silver line your suffering, showing sympathy instead of empathy?
“At least you don’t have it worse.”
“It’ll get better soon. I just know it.”
“Oh, that’s not so bad; have you heard about what Christina is going through?!”
“Just think positive thoughts.”
“I know just the thing to solve your problem for you: (insert solution you’ve already heard/tried or know already would not work here).”
Or better yet, have you ever opened up to someone and then ended up having to comfort them about your suffering because they’re so distraught about what you have told them? You end up having to say something to the effect of, “It’s okay, really. Don’t worry about me” in order to move on in the conversation.
I don’t know about you, but as a person living with a chronic pain disorder that is (currently) incurable, I end up in conversations like these on a near daily basis. I get really tired of them. I know that people have good intentions, but it can still sting to feel like I’m not being listened to. I’m just being heard; they’re listening to respond rather than just listening. They’re trying to find answers when there just might not be answers and then feel disappointed when they can’t find them. It feels like they don’t understand how hard I’m working to get better. I silver line my situation for myself all the time, but sometimes, I just need to vent.
Even the most positive among us need to complain about bad days sometimes.
Here are some things I’m learning to say instead of “It’s okay, really. Don’t worry about me” that I think could help many of us in similar situations and awkward conversations:
“Sometimes, it’s nice to just vent to someone - thanks for listening.”
“Even though no one can really fix it, it’s so good to just talk about it.”
“Even my team of doctors doesn’t have many answers, so I certainly don’t expect you to solve it! It’s just helpful to know you’re here for me.”
“Most of the time, I try to stay positive, but today I’m just not feeling it, so it’s great to just have some support and companionship.”
“I so appreciate you trying to make me feel better and see the silver lining, but it’s definitely not a great situation right now because it’s not under my control.”
For those of us who are religious, here are some specific responses to silver lining statements like “God is using this for your good”, “God is good”, “Just pray more”:
“I’m so grateful that we have a God who can handle our frustration, disappointment, sadness, and doubts. Today, He’s handling a lot of those on my behalf.”
“I know that God will weave all things together for my good, but today, it’s really hard to see that.”
“I don’t doubt His goodness, but I do sometimes doubt the good in this situation. Thanks for listening.”
Be gentle with yourself, dear one. You’re doing a great job – keep fighting, and make sure you’re eating, drinking water, allowing yourself to rest, and taking care of your own needs. You can do this <3.
if this post gets 500,000 notes, i’ll start a revolution in france
will you liveblog it
yes
will it be a musical?
les miserables 2: not enough of us died last time
kawaii-box-co